I'm tired of living this life
by Traitor of All Traitors
Summary: A remake of Tired of Pain.


Creation began on 04-20-12

Creation ended on 04-20-12

Neon Genesis Evangelion

I'm tired of living this life

A/N: It's a remake and revised version of my _Tire of Pain story based off the manga_. It's hard to get reviews on such stories.

Shinji was a tormented, devastated and emotionally shattered young. His childhood was one of psychological pain and constant loneliness; none of the children of other parents would ever play with him because of the rumors of his father and his aunt and uncle were unwilling to deny such rumors. His life in Tokyo-3 was one of great suffering, both physical and emotional. In the months that followed ever since his arrival, he found some would-be friends that he wanted to keep with him always…only to discover that because of the Eva he was forced to pilot for the sake of others that wanted to survive, he could never keep them safe. It was also because of his parents that he couldn't move on with his life, that he can't ever have a good life.

First, his mother, Yui Ikari, gave herself up to the Eva, leaving the mortal coil to watch from the sidelines and rarely involve herself in anything except fighting the Angels as Unit-01. Then Gendo abandons him to the care of other relatives that he couldn't feel any sort of bond to (he even remembered how he was hassled for the accused bike theft, and he didn't even know how to ride one). The third great pain was Toji's murder at the hands of his parents, just so that the Angel possessing Unit-03 was defeated, and all Toji ever agreed to do the piloting for was to get his sister better medical care, forcing Shinji to his breaking point. Asuka's defeat at the hands of the Angel known as Arael was another devastating blow to his consciousness, followed by Ayanami's suicide to get rid of the second-to-last Angel. But it all came with the hammer of all hammers when the final Angel was revealed to be Kaworu Nagisa, who asked him to kill him.

People he thought he could protect, people he thought actually cared about him, all gone or taken from him, just like that. He was tired of it. Tired of losing people, tired of caring about them, tired of the Eva, his parents' goals, and himself for that matter, also.

_Explosions…gunfire… An enemy has invaded,_ he thought, crouched underneath a stairway, ignoring the faraway sounds of violence. _Will everyone die…if I stay here and don't pilot the Eva? If I don't do anything…this will all be over. And…if I don't do anything, if I just let what's happening go on… I'll be free. No more piloting. No more Eva… No more being used and hurt by others. I'm tired of everything. I don't care what happens next._

He heard footsteps approaching him, and he looked up and saw two armed soldiers.

"We've located the Third Child," one of them said over the radio, "proceeding with termination."

_The enemy's…not an Angel…so why… Why should it matter whether they're Angels or not? I'm tired. I don't care. I don't care._ Shinji thought, taking notice of one of the soldiers raising a gun toward his head without hesitation.

"Sorry, kid," the soldier told him. "Nothing personal."

"I'm not offended," said Shinji back. "I'm tired of it all. Just put me down before someone comes to save me, only to make me pilot the Eva again."

x

By the time Gendo Ikari had arrived, the soldiers he tried to shoot at had already fled from the scene, leaving the remains of the former Third Child, having put a bullet in between his eyes and a few rounds into his heart and lungs to finish him off. But what didn't change was the small smile on Shinji's face prior to his execution. The boy died with a smile on his face!

_No!_ Gendo thought, now unable to use Unit-01 without the only person that could make it move.

Misato arrived moments later, but also couldn't believe that she had arrived too late…or that Shinji died with a smile on his face, like he was waiting for the soldiers to find him and kill him.

_Shinji…_ She thought, unable to accept that this was now a part of reality. _Damn it, Shinji. Why?_

Of course, she knew the reason to why…but didn't want to believe that reason, either.

x

In the cages, Unit-01, covered in Bakelite, was aware of what had transpired…and was unable to shed the necessary tears over the resident soul's new loss or do anything about it.

Elsewhere in NERV HQ, the third Rei Ayanami, gazing at the tanks filled with the remains of her sister clones, her spare parts, couldn't help but wonder why her hands felt deprived of something that should've meant a great deal to her if she knew what it was.

_Ikari-Kun,_ she realized too late, _could I hold your hand again?_

And in the lake, sheltered in Unit-02, Asuka woke up from her sedation and recalled a terrible nightmare of which Shinji, the only other person she detested and accused for piloting an Eva and stealing her spotlight, respectively, had actually left Tokyo-3 for good after the death of Suzuhara because he didn't want to attack Unit-03 with him still inside it. While she honestly hadn't cared whether he did come back or not, she couldn't understand why he made such a fuss about one person dying when everybody could've died. Or rather, she didn't want to understand why any one person would make a fuss over the death of one other person.

"The baka…" She had uttered, almost a whisper. "You jerk."

x

"…Was that part of your scenario, Ikari?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked himself, seeing what had transpired between Shinji and the soldiers right before he was murdered…and that the boy had gone out with a smile just before the bullet went through his head.

End.

A/N: It's odd in a way, but this would've been a justified attempt at setting Shinji free from the control of those around him. Please, review.


End file.
